Beowulf and Godsylla

Meanehwæl, baccat meaddehæle, monstær lurccen;
Fulle few too many drincce, hie luccen for fyht.
Ðen Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Æsccen æwful jeork to steop outsyd. Þhud! Bashe! Crasch! Beoom! Ðe bigge gye
Eallum his bon brak, byt his nose offe;
Wicced Godsylla wæld on his asse.
Monstær moppe fleor wyþ eallum men in hælle.
Beowulf in bacceroome fonecall bamaccen wæs;
Hearen sond of ruccus sæd, "Hwæt ðe helle?"
Graben sheold strang ond swich-blæd scharp
Stond feorth to fyht ðe grimlic foe. "Me," Godsylla sæd, "mac ðe minsemete."
Heoro cwyc geten heold wiþ fæmed half-nelson
Ond flyng him lic frisbe bac to fen
Beowulf belly up to meaddehæle bar,
Sæd, "Ne foe beaten mie færsom cung-fu."
Eorderen cocca-cohla yce-coeld, ðe reol þyng.

Translation:
Okay... What. The. Heck. I could not get through this without cracking up at least ten times. :)
Meanwhile, back the mead-hall, monster lurking;
Full few too many drinks, he was looking for a fight.
Then Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Asked the awful jerk to step outside. Thud! Bash! Crash! Boom! The big guy
All of his bones broke, bit his nose off;
Wicked Godzilla wailed(?) on his ass.
Monster mopped the floor with all of the men in the hall.
Beowulf was in back room making a phone call;
Hearing sound of ruckus said, "What the hell?"
Grabbing shield strong and switch-blade sharp
Stood forth to fight the grimlic foe. "Me," Godzilla said, "make the mincemeat."
Hero quick gotten hold with famed half-nelson
And flying him like a frisbee back to fen
Beowulf belly up to the mead-hall bar,
Said, "No foe has beaten my fearsome kung-fu."
Ordering coca-cola ice-cold, the real thing.